Sometimes, I chuckle to myself and shake my head when reading others’ Instagram bios.

Insert:

Astrological Sign

Proud Parent/Pawrent

Follower of (religious figure, politician or political affiliation, celebrity idol)

Where you live

What you do for a living

If you’re happily married or single

Your hobby/hobbies (which may include but are not limited to: athlete, musician, artist, cosplayer, outdoor enthusiast, photographer, student pilot, Crossfitter, dungeon master, writer, gator wrestler, chocolatier, birder, Bible trivia competitor, gamer, table tennis national champion, paddleboarder, amateur podcaster, coin collector, mathlete, gunsmith, spelunker, stand-up comedian, chainsaw carver, animal rescuer, reiki healer, foodie, the canvas of a tattoo artist, avid reader, equestrian, traveler, skydiver, wine taster…)

Enneagram Number (unless you’re a 4)

Myers Briggs Type Indicator

If you’re LGBTQIA+

Something witty that shows your intelligence without blatantly bragging on your IQ lest you become branded a loser by Stephen Hawking (guilty)

Link in bio (also guilty, but that may be why you are here, so yay!)

It’s a guilty pleasure, but one that comes at a cost as it happens to be one of the things that often gets me existentially stirred up.

I get it. It’s our brand. It’s what we want other people to know about us and what makes us, us, and what makes us interesting and cool.

But what happens when our identities around these things fail us? What happens when our spiritual beliefs are examined more deeply and perhaps change? When we aren’t as good-looking or in shape as we used to be (or even DO become better looking and are in better shape)? When we have an illness that limits our physical capabilities or our mental sharpness? When a disaster destroys material possessions we’ve collected? When we lose loved ones who define vast stretches of our identities?

Who would you be if you weren’t this? Who are you if you’re no longer that?

What are you underneath it all?

These aspects of ourselves that we hang our entire identities upon point to information about each of us, but they don’t sum up the whole of who we are. Sometimes the more attached we are to one of these aspects of ourselves, the more disoriented we become if that attachment becomes broken or removed. How we define what these parts of our lives mean is a huge part of that.

I recently started working through a journal that explores a few of these. It talks about how our families, cultures, religions, and communities give us our ideals around the roles we play. Here are some of the questions it asks:

What were you taught to believe makes a good daughter/child?

What were you conditioned to believe makes a good wife/partner?

What were you trained to believe makes a good friend?

What were you taught to believe makes a good mother?

What were you conditioned to believe makes a good leader?

These questions have been enough to completely turn me inside out for weeks. But that core question can be applied to any of these aspects of ourselves. What were you taught by the world to believe makes a good __________________?

I don’t know if you’ve had any of your identities stripped away, but if you have, you understand how difficult it can be to keep yourself from drowning under those waves.

In the next few posts, we’ll explore this a little more. I’m going to share some personal experiences, see what others have to say about it, and offer more fun probing questions. I hope you’ll hang with me for those and find something of benefit!